Posted by Martyn Norris on Tuesday, May 10, 2011,
In :
Media
Conspiracy theories used to the preserve of the deepest corners of the interwebs, being “discussed” on message boards that you really had to look very hard to find. It used to be all Aliens and the Elders of Zion (which has been shown over and over again (particularly well in David Aaronovitch's book Voodoo Histories might I add) to based on a work of fiction, it's not true, the Jews did not and do not have a plan to take over/control the world) but since the 60's has been a growing movem...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, February 20, 2011,
In :
Media
Good news! The forests
are safe! For the time being anyway. The Government's plans to sell
off the family silver has been dealt a massive blow by an outpouring
of anger from the people over it's “and now let's sell the forests”
plan and they have been forced into a humiliating U-turn/climb down
(the second option is funnier as it's a story about trees) or so the
left wing press narrative goes.
The other version of
this story, the one presented by our Government and their tiny band
of ...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Wednesday, January 26, 2011,
In :
Media
So
Richard Keys has hairy-handed in his resignation
to Sky Sports and Andy “How the fuck do I get over £1million a
year for this?” Gray has been fired
for being sexist idiots (oh and if the BNP
support you you are probably on the wrong side of the argument). Well
this is good.
A
Christian couple have been fined
for not allowing a gay couple to stay at their B&B.
Also good.
The
excuses were like this “It was just banter” and “it's our
religion.” Really? Is that the best you cou...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Tuesday, January 25, 2011,
In :
Media
Dear Melanie Phillips,
Hello, how are you this morning? I would imagine you are having a
nice cup of ENGLISH breakfast tea (with milk obviously) and a small
bowl of Kellogg's Cornflakes with extra dullness in order definitely,
definitely quash any of “those thoughts”.
Then I think you would open your email, maybe sift through a few
press releases (which you will only half read) and then a quick flick
though the morning papers and when I say “papers” I me...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, January 23, 2011,
In :
General
“Please
welcome Ashton Kutcher's dad, Bruce Willis!”
Yes,
there was some news on Friday and we will get to it but let's not to
anything too detailed and in depth, I'm on the wind down for a rather
long holiday. I'm going to be away for a month, to Canada if you are
interested, but if you are a burglar, and you happen to be reading
this, we have left Cerberus
in our hallway and he'll give you one hell of a nip if you try and
break in.
We
are staying with some friends for most of the ...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, January 2, 2011,
In :
Media
"Jo's life was cut
short tragically but the finger-pointing and character assassination by social
and news media of as yet innocent men has been shameful.
It has made me lose a lot of faith in the
morality of the British press and those that spend their time fixed to the
internet in this modern age.
I hope in the future they will show a more
sensitive and impartial view to those involved in such heart-breaking events
and especia...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, December 5, 2010,
Ah, the children
of Dorchester how my respect for you grows. Wednesday
night saw the town’s late night Christmas shopping event. Charity stalls and
the like lined the street (and one stall from some church or other that claimed
to be “Radically Inclusive”, what the hell does that mean? Am I a member
against my will?), good cheer abounded, live music played out and it was fun.
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, November 7, 2010,
Look, it's very simple, if you don't password protect your Wifi I will use it, hence here we all are. Hello from Kent! Come on in the water's muddy.
I think that I may be becoming a little paranoid. Every time I see a story in the press about changes to the NHS all I can see is a concerted conspiracy to dismantle it by a government that values profit over all over things. It's a subtle(ish) accumulation of things, some within the white paper and some coming from outside.
GP's, who have ... Continue reading ...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, October 3, 2010,
“Well, there used to be a
bloke called Peg who had a wooden leg. He used to set himself on fire and then
jump into the Lido to put it out”
“What would Health and
Safety think of that?”
“They don’t let you do
anything these days.”
It was announced at the beginning
of the week that Catherine
Walker had died. She was a very successful fashion designer but differed
from many others in her field by shunning the limelig...
“So can I ask you why you are applying for asylum in this country Mr John?”
“Well, I am a Gay man and in my country that is illegal. If I am caught being gay then I will imprisoned or worse, I could be put to death in a series of excruciatingly painful ways.”
“Well, that is very interesting. So if you are a caught being gay in your country the government of that country may kill you.”
“I didn’t get into Vet
School so I became a Doctor.”
Has there been a Princess Diana based front page this week?
Of course there has,
but the Express also distinguished themselves on Wednesday
by completely ignoring the devastation being caused to the Gulf coast of
America, the animals and fish that are dying and the peoples whose livings are
being destroyed such as shrimp fisherman. They even ignored the rather po...
So I have a new Daily Mail theory (I’m not obsessed you
know).
They want to make
Britain as miserable and joyless a place as it is possible (see the 1980’s for
details) to make it so that only people who really, really love the concept of
Great Britain will want to stay here. Then, after everyone who has no love for
this country has left (you know the sort, immigrants, Lefties, Guardian
readers), the work...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Wednesday, May 12, 2010,
So, a few weeks ago the mighty Daily
Mail found something else that they were scared of/appealed by/will
give you cancer *
They had decided that Facebook gave
you cancer
and VD (although that might have been the Telegraph) but this time
the internet would corrupt your children. In fact they are so scared
of ChatRoulette that they felt the need to write about it twice, here
and here.
I had heard of this site but I hadn't
had a look but it had offended the Mail so it was all ri...
I don’t want to know that the Tories are back in power, yes it is good for comedy, art and music (especially punk and folk) but for the rest of us, who don’t earn several million pounds a year, it is really bad news. In order to counter act this slight set back in my life I will be approaching the following few years thus,
The only harm will be a slightly soar back and some sand in the ears, although I might get shafted and not know who it was, at least you lot will see them coming...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Tuesday, April 27, 2010,
I have a new pet theory and it may be
pushing the realms of reality a little. It may also be rationalising
the behaviour of one of our worst and most hateful newspapers.
Let's start with some history.
Starting sometime in the 70's (I think) the Black community of
America seemed to make a collective decision, well some didn't like
it but they failed to shout as loudly as the others, and decided to
try and take back a word from the white man. That word was the worst
word that we...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, April 11, 2010,
There really is only one story that I want to talk about
this week. It is one of the most talked about and life changing events of the
week (well in our house anyway). It could alter the way we live our lives for
years to come. If we do not act now, history will judge us to have failed.
As of July a Scrabble
rule change will mean
that you are allowed to use proper nouns! You will be able to put company names
and the names of ce...
If you want an insight into how a society can/will breakdown
just turn the power off on a set of traffic lights at a particularly junction.
I think you can describe this as a perfect storm for a Daily
Express front page, Princess Diana and weather.
I don’t think we need to go into the story really do we? No
of course we don’t. The Daily Express is rapidly becoming Britain’s
answer to the National Enquirer.
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, March 21, 2010,
[if !mso]>
Can I apologise for this
week’s entry. If it seems a little hurried and cobbled together but there is a
very good reason for that, it is. The end of the week has been a little poor
for significant other so not had much time to do this but, he says with the
utmost irony, the show must go on. I’m doing “jazz hands” now if you are
interested.
Thank you the Daily Express! Your ability to
entertain has not...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, February 28, 2010,
I'm sorry, have I fallen
asleep and woken up in the 1980's? (Although Homeopaths think it’s the 1880’s
and Prince Charles,
the 1780’s). Am I in Life on Mars? (or whatever the 80’s sequel was called)
Monday night/Tuesday morning a car bomb
exploded in Newry,
Northern Ireland. Fortunately no one was hurt despite the fact that
it went off whilst the area was being cleared.
There has been a recent upsurge in terrorist
attac...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Saturday, February 13, 2010,
Unbelievable, he stole my idea. Well there was a little passing credit to me but mostly, he stole idea!
This week I have invented (is that the right word?) a new law of Physics/journalism. We shall, from now on, refer it as Martyn's Law ( I thought about Norris' Law but there are too many S’s at the end.) The law states that, in right wing newspapers, the actual number of facts containted within a columists polemic IS inversaly proportioned to the number of times they use the phrase "in...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Tuesday, January 26, 2010,
For the purposes of fairness
I would like to point out that I am a massive fan of the person I will be
discussing in this piece.
Praise be to God, which ever one it is you
support, (as an atheist I’m not sure how it works but I have assumed that it is
a bit like football. Your choice of football team/ religion is sort of forced
on you as a child and there is really very little you can do about it. Although
there will be some...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, January 24, 2010,
I seem to be the luckiest person in the world.
Last year I was chosen to help a Kenyan Prince to help him transfer his money
out of the country (small fee to me) and now this,
Dear E-mail
Bearer,
You
have won the sum of £500,000.00 GBGBPin
the British Online.
Sweepstakes
Promo head on Sat 16 Jan 2010.Your Your e-mail address
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, January 17, 2010,
[if !mso]
Hello to all of you. I'm
trying to make this weekly post a little shorter than it was last year because
it did seem to go on a little. I will try and do more post in the week but I
make no promise that I can't keep, do I look like Gordon Brown/David Cameron/Nick
Clegg/Barack Obama*
*Delete as applicable, according to your own political
standing. Although you are reading this so I have some idea as to your
politic...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, January 10, 2010,
Can I start with a question? Oh I've already asked one and used that joke
before I think, ah well, a second question then, are attempted plane bombers
just really, really committed environmentalists? By sewing some explosives into
his pants and then using a syringe to add a substance to the hidden package
(tee hee) so that he could set light to his testicles hence earning him the
nickname “thunderpants”, he has made air travel a...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, November 22, 2009,
[if !mso]
So the sad news is that we had to have the cat
put down on Tuesday. To be honest, it was quite an easy decision to make. She
had become increasingly unwell and was barely leaving her chosen spot on the
end of our bed. She became a sort of Miss Havisham character; always there in
an upstairs room, an ever there presence, we would go up every so often to
check that she was ok. That and she never wanted me to be ...
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, November 8, 2009,
So I had my swine flu vaccination on Tuesday
and, unsurprisingly to anyone with a modicum of sense, not much happened. I had
a bit of a sore arm and, as the Occupational Health Nurse Kerry said might
happen when my body started to produce antibodies, I felt a bit hot and
slightly achy during the early hours of Wednesday morning. To be honest I was
reassured at the speed at which my body made me feel a little unwell.
Posted by Martyn Norris on Sunday, October 25, 2009,
I do hope that you all remembered that the
clocks went back last night (this is only relevant for UK readers).
A quick award,
The Award for Having To Work On The Night That
The Clocks Go Back,
This goes to my Brother who had to work last
night. Oh and everyone else who had to work to but you didn't fill my phone's
inbox with rant filled texts for most of yesterday.
